my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
