this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize