Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Too much gin, very little bucket
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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