I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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