he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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