He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
even my farts smell like vagina
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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