Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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