So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
