Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
