i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just googled if crying burns calories
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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