I can't watch pbs sober anymore
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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