so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
