Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize