Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
