I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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