I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
