I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
