Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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