I want to stick my p in your. b.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize