Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Randomize
