Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
