Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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