When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
