just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
