I feel like abortions should bother me more
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
