I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
