I'm so fucking centered right now
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
