omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dignity is for republicans.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
