btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
