Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
