weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Randomize
