WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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