Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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