I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
