this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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