my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
