the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize