One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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