3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You're so nebulous sometimes
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
