Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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