Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
