she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
