If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
