I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
