I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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