sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
