if you like me you must not know who I am
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
