So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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