Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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