Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
