I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
