You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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