After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
