Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize