I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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