Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
