Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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