i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
