She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
