My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
