One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
