It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
