you would pick up someone in the library
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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