I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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