haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
