i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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