I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
