So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
