He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
