my mouth tastes like poor choices
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
