dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he puts the penis in happiness.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
